cyn85

So the week right after Christmas I had finally lost 5 lbs and this past week so far I have lost 6 lbs……gained  1 lb yesterday when I kinda went a little crazy on sum junk my sis bought yesterday. And that’s considering the thought that I did it consciounsly and still stopped myself. Feeling a  little guilty but at least it’s 1 lb and not 2. So today I watched very closely what I ate and drank more water than usual. Like a song from Maxwell says (Lifetime)……”I can let my life pass me by or I can get down and try.” That song inspires me…..do you guys have any songs that inspire you? So since New Years my back has been hurtin and it’s been killing me but it looks like now it’s starting to go away and then 2 days ago I’ve had this pain in my inner thigh but I don’t know where it came from. It feels like a pinched nerve kinda. And I had finally wanted to start working out this week….it would have helped alot more with weight loss. So 10 lbs lost in that last 2 weeks and I’m hoping for another 10 by the end of month. I will not give up! And coming on here almost daily is helping me alot more too.  Thank you guys for the feedback and the support. As always wishing my readers love, health and happiness! Good luck on your journeys and “NO MORE EXCUSES.”

I know I haven’t been  on here much the last few months but during my last pregnancy I gained 10lbs…..I thought nothing of it……after my miscarriage I slowly kept gaining more and more. I even ignored the  scale for a month and to my surprise I gained an additional  6.8 lbs! I freaked myself out and finally got to work…..no more procrastination……no more  being the victim! I am dusting myself off and getting busy on it NOW! NOT TOMORROW! NOT LATER! NO MORE EXCUSES! Oh yeah on another note……I think my once faithful guy of a year and  a half  is now being unfaithful but you  know what? I ain’t worried about it……don’t let the door hit you in the a$$ my dear! He doesn’t know that I know thought. That got me so  mad that it has given me even more inspiration to better me. It is now me time…..I need and deserve it! Ok so for this month I am aiming for a 2o lbs weight loss. Then after that I am  going for an additional 30 lbs and that is it……I think. My body and mentality are fighting to depress  me but I am doing my all to resist it. We  don’t want to start off the year depressed now do we? Also I had given up on here because my friends no longer gave me feedback and had not too many comments anymore. Thats ok thought because I am staying regardless because even blogging this makes me feel so much better. Well that is all for now my friends as always wishing you health, happiness and love.

Today I started my detox finally and I actually made it the whole day! I am so proud of myself because the first two days are the hardest for me and the last time I did this I lost 15 lbs. This time I plan on sticking to it longer and I am SO DETERMINED! I am so ready for change I am practically throwing myself at it. Yesterday and today I went grocery shopping and it wasn’t bad or hard….I did however buy SOME stuff for when my detox is over even though I did have to hold back alot and resist some temptation. lol but like I said…..I prepared myself mentally for it so it shoudn’t be so hard this time and to top it off I got my mom and a friend telling me that I won’t succeed so that gives me even more determination to prove them wrong. With the holidays around the corner I want to be able to eat the things we like  to eat as a family without feeling guilty so for that I have to start losing now then rest for thnksgiving and continue after because I don’t want to fall off the wagon. I think the reason that I am so determined this time is because it helps to take my mind off of the stuff that I had last blogged about. I need change because I feel like my life was stuck in a place where things didn’t improve…I felt like I was stuck in  stagnant energy. So, that’s when I decided to go ahead and close some doors so new ones would open with new opportunities. I am taking everything one step at a time  even though a part of me keeps thinking and wondering about what the future will bring me and where I will be by the end of the month. Well buddies…..I guess that’s it for now. Hopefully I get a chance to get on tomorrow and blog about my day as well but more that likely my son won’t be in a good mood cause he gets shots tomorrow…..eek! Not looking forward to that at all. Well buddies have a good night, wishing you health, happiness and love.

I have been gone for a couple of months and I was doing good until I found out I was preggos and then I watched what I ate but had to eat slighty more. I had only gained about eight pounds when I was taken to ER with a miscarriage. This was yesterday……also yesterday I felt strong enough to finally let go the man that was in my life that although he treated me alot better than most men do……I realized I needed someone who wasn’t afraid to be in love with me and was willing to give up his partying life for the settling down stay at homw daddy thing. We were ready and we were going to do it but when all came crashing down yesterday I realized it was time to let go of him too. So I did……I have cried over my lost angel…..literally broke down and cried until I just couldn’t anymore. But when it comes to him I am completely calm and ok with not having him in my life. I guess it either hasn’t hit me or I know I deserve better…….or maybe because a teeny tiny part of me hopes he will come back to beg me like he always does. But this time I made it clear that I was ready to have him out of my life for good. Maybe I had already in a way kinda mentally prepared myself to let go slowly. Anyway……so I decided to come back here and continue my weight loss journey but with a 100% commitment. I KNOW that this time I will succeed because I am finally ready for change. That’s it! I am accepting and coping with it all so well because I am no longer afraid of change! Before I dreaded it! I am so ready for change……so ready to be a beautiful curvy me happy with myself and my life. I am ready to handle whatever comes my way……and hopefully in the process of this transformation mr.right will walk right into my life when I least expect it. Oh my gawsh it feels so good to let go of this fear and let all my feelings out. Also, I want to take up meditation because I have read some of the benefits of it and it just grabs my attention. It always has. Well buddies that’s it for now but know that this is the new me coming back to stay and that I am here for you as well as you have been for me. Missed you guys lots……..And like always wishing you a health, happiness, and success! Thank you guys…..and keep in touch! have a great weekend!

So I was starting my one day water fast today and I made it til 1pm….after that I went to my grandmas where my mom had made some very yummy lentils and I thought “what the heck, it’s only lentils and it will help to keep me from eating ugly snacks.” So I ate sum and shared them with my son and then when I finished I had such a craving to eat something sweet. Wait! I just had an aha moment….I wanted something sweet because my grandmothers house is ALWAYS full of sweets and seeing her kitchen automatically triggers sweet cravings. I tell you my grandmas house is temptation island. Her house and my mom’s are the only reason I can’t ever stay on the wagon…yet I can’t stay away cause they need me. I hate it! Oh wait! So on with my story…..I walked to my mom’s house in the heat halfway dying (its only a block away from my grandmas house) and when I got there my sweet craving had calmed down a bit and I saw a pack of cheese Ritz and just started eating them without realizing that I wasn’t even supposed to be eating that day in the first place. I realized it when I logged onto buddy slim and I was like “wow, I haven’t eaten anything like that without realizing I just ate it for a very long time. I have got to admit that when you plan on fasting you have to mentally prepare yourself for it and this one was a spontaneous fast. I am now ready for tomorrow where I will have my 1 day fast part 2. I am now prepared and ready to take this challenge on again tomorrow. I’m not sure where I heard it but someone said that the reason we go back to our old ways right away is because we panick because we feel that we will never eat the “sinful” food again….and that struck a cord with me cause that is exactly how I feel. I start to wonder….”hmm when will my next sweet snack be? maybe in a week? Knowing me either tomorrow or a couple of days.” Than all I seem to think about is the sweet snack. It’s haunting my mind and I try to find ways to get to it not caring that it will sabatoge my while better eating style. Wow I can’t believe that it took me writing down my whole days worth story detail by detail to realize so many things and where it is that I keep failing! I love it! Well thank you friends for the support and comments. keep up the good work and keep faith. Like always, wishing you love, health and happiness!

Well friends I feel alot better when it comes to the headaches and I haven’t gotten one in 2 days now. So now I have finally been inspired again to start all this weight loss and I’m starting with full determination and patient as heck. I am going to start day 1 with a water fast and then do nothing but fruits and veggies for a ten days…..err more than likely I’ll only last a week. So my dad is going to have a huge birthday party bash next month and it gives me even more motivation to lose weight. I haven’t weighed myself in 2 days…..I’m honestly afraid to but I need to tomorrow  morning so I can see how much I need to progress and stay motivated. So I am currently at around 225 lbs and hope to be under 200 lbs by the party which is 5 weeks away….is that too much in a short amount of time? Hmm…..let me know guys. Anyway…..I plan on starting my new food journal tomorrow but I feel like it isn’t much help….any tips on that guys? I’m going to give it a try anyway. That’s it for now friends…..as always wishing you love, health and happiness.

So after I got over the 2 weeks straight of intense miraine headaches I was finally able to get up and out of bed yesterday without any meds. I was so happy but I have been eating like crazy those two weeks because when I ate it took my mind off of the headache for a little while so it was a constant thing. Good thing is I only gained 3 lbs. Well not only that but since yesterday I started feeling a little ignored and neglected by my friends and now all I wan to do is cry my head off. I’m not too sure why though…..but I’m going to have to let it out. Today I only ate once only because the food my aunt made today had NO FLAVOR whatsoever. I kid you not. Anyway I now have to overcome this spontaneous sadness that just popped out of nowhere…more like lonliness. Then I shall overcome the weightloss once again as soon as I feel better. But I just can’t stop wanting to eat sweets and junk…..it’s just taking over me. Ugh I feel so weak right now. Well friends thats it for now……wishing you love, health and happiness.

So today I woke up and I was excited because my friends and I were going to have a cookout tomorrow which we then moved to Sunday. Then I started thinking…….”I always end up having to buy majority of the stuff and making most of the food myself since it was my idea and I hate to ask for help at times.” I know I shouldn’t be afriad to ask for things at times or help but thats just the way I am…..I don’t think it’s an ego thing though…..but then I’m not sure. So then I decided that I was just going to end up working extra hard and all I really want is to spend time with my buddies. I managed to get myself all mad (lol I know I am silly like that at times) and I said forget this and everyone I am always the one making the effort to do the get togethers all on my own. I then went from feeling mad……to tired (after thinking about it so much while cleaning my house) and then to feeling blue. I hate being an emotional, mood swinging cancer but I should be used to it by now. So I decided to see what happens and not really plan anything for now because knowing me I may change my mind tomorrow or the day after. Plus all that eating that happens at cookouts kinda scared me cause right now I cannot afford to gain anymore weight the way things are going. I don’t know what to think at this point but I will try to get happy even though I feel like I’ve been fighting this….I dunno, its not a depression but I have been feeling myself feel down emotionally and I’m trying my best to fight it. Maybe all I need is a really long and good cry to let it all out and then continue on my merry way? The funny thing is that I have no reason to feel sad. It’s just this ugly sad feeling I keep getting…..now that I think about it I’m starting to feel lonely. But I have no reason to feel lonely. I have my kids and family and friends. Well like I said, I am just going to try to stay positive and take this weekend one day at a time. Thank you friends for the support and like always wishing you love, health and happiness! Have a great weekend!

So  I learned today that the reason I have been getting these intense headahes is because I have high blood pressure and that if I don’t want to be put on meds I need to lose the weight STAT. So not only was I motivated before but now it’s really a serious health condition and that makes me not even want to think about all the ugly food I usually eat. So today I started my fruit and veggie detox like I had been planning and I’m starting to get active again….no more excuses! After my detox I am going to really have to stay away from the food I was eating before….not only that….I must exercise because eating healthy alone was not helping too much. Now when I get tempted to eat something I’m not supposed to I think “remember you have to lower your blood pressure.” I know that every once in a while I will taste a few “sinnful” things but for now I’m keeping it strict…..now that I have the motivation and best excuse to stay determined. It was an eye opening moment even though it is nothing I would wish on anyone but like I say  “everything happens for a reason.” Thank you friends for the support and inspiration……and as always wishing you love, health, and happiness. Have a great day!

Ok so today we had a cookout and it was ok even though I only ate one plate (not the actual plate) I felt so bad because those last 8 lbs have been on my mind and I can even tell when I look down at my stomach that I have gained some slight weight. Oh by the way they are now 10 lbs because of the sitting around the house eating when I was sick. I am feeling a little better now though. So I was thinking and tomorrow I’m going to start my detox because either way you aren’t supposed to do too much due to the fact that the detox leaves you weak the first day or two. I just gotta stay away from my “temptation islands”…..(mom and grandmas house) and I know that after day 1 it should all be a piece of cake (yummm cake). This time I will stay with it because I feel so bad about the weight gained I am even having nightmares about it. Keep in mind the pool party at the end of this month. So how the saying goes “You have to eat to live not live to eat.” Maybe I can just stay in bed all day tomorrow cuddling with my son since he feels sick too. Then if I sleep I won’t think of food as much. At least I don’t think of food alot like I use to before where I hadn’t even finished what I was eating yet and I was already thinking about what I was going to eat at the next meal. Oh! Today is Monday which is Extreme Makeover: Weight loss edition which I love cuz it inspires me…..that and biggest loser. So tomorrow I start thinking healthy again and I start thinking positive again because where thoughts go energy flows. Well that’s all of my complaints for now. Thank you friends and hope you have a fun and safe 4th of July. Wishing you (like always) love, health, and happiness!