cyn85

So today I woke up and I was excited because my friends and I were going to have a cookout tomorrow which we then moved to Sunday. Then I started thinking…….”I always end up having to buy majority of the stuff and making most of the food myself since it was my idea and I hate to ask for help at times.” I know I shouldn’t be afriad to ask for things at times or help but thats just the way I am…..I don’t think it’s an ego thing though…..but then I’m not sure. So then I decided that I was just going to end up working extra hard and all I really want is to spend time with my buddies. I managed to get myself all mad (lol I know I am silly like that at times) and I said forget this and everyone I am always the one making the effort to do the get togethers all on my own. I then went from feeling mad……to tired (after thinking about it so much while cleaning my house) and then to feeling blue. I hate being an emotional, mood swinging cancer but I should be used to it by now. So I decided to see what happens and not really plan anything for now because knowing me I may change my mind tomorrow or the day after. Plus all that eating that happens at cookouts kinda scared me cause right now I cannot afford to gain anymore weight the way things are going. I don’t know what to think at this point but I will try to get happy even though I feel like I’ve been fighting this….I dunno, its not a depression but I have been feeling myself feel down emotionally and I’m trying my best to fight it. Maybe all I need is a really long and good cry to let it all out and then continue on my merry way? The funny thing is that I have no reason to feel sad. It’s just this ugly sad feeling I keep getting…..now that I think about it I’m starting to feel lonely. But I have no reason to feel lonely. I have my kids and family and friends. Well like I said, I am just going to try to stay positive and take this weekend one day at a time. Thank you friends for the support and like always wishing you love, health and happiness! Have a great weekend!

So  I learned today that the reason I have been getting these intense headahes is because I have high blood pressure and that if I don’t want to be put on meds I need to lose the weight STAT. So not only was I motivated before but now it’s really a serious health condition and that makes me not even want to think about all the ugly food I usually eat. So today I started my fruit and veggie detox like I had been planning and I’m starting to get active again….no more excuses! After my detox I am going to really have to stay away from the food I was eating before….not only that….I must exercise because eating healthy alone was not helping too much. Now when I get tempted to eat something I’m not supposed to I think “remember you have to lower your blood pressure.” I know that every once in a while I will taste a few “sinnful” things but for now I’m keeping it strict…..now that I have the motivation and best excuse to stay determined. It was an eye opening moment even though it is nothing I would wish on anyone but like I say  “everything happens for a reason.” Thank you friends for the support and inspiration……and as always wishing you love, health, and happiness. Have a great day!

Ok so today we had a cookout and it was ok even though I only ate one plate (not the actual plate) I felt so bad because those last 8 lbs have been on my mind and I can even tell when I look down at my stomach that I have gained some slight weight. Oh by the way they are now 10 lbs because of the sitting around the house eating when I was sick. I am feeling a little better now though. So I was thinking and tomorrow I’m going to start my detox because either way you aren’t supposed to do too much due to the fact that the detox leaves you weak the first day or two. I just gotta stay away from my “temptation islands”…..(mom and grandmas house) and I know that after day 1 it should all be a piece of cake (yummm cake). This time I will stay with it because I feel so bad about the weight gained I am even having nightmares about it. Keep in mind the pool party at the end of this month. So how the saying goes “You have to eat to live not live to eat.” Maybe I can just stay in bed all day tomorrow cuddling with my son since he feels sick too. Then if I sleep I won’t think of food as much. At least I don’t think of food alot like I use to before where I hadn’t even finished what I was eating yet and I was already thinking about what I was going to eat at the next meal. Oh! Today is Monday which is Extreme Makeover: Weight loss edition which I love cuz it inspires me…..that and biggest loser. So tomorrow I start thinking healthy again and I start thinking positive again because where thoughts go energy flows. Well that’s all of my complaints for now. Thank you friends and hope you have a fun and safe 4th of July. Wishing you (like always) love, health, and happiness!

So last night I was in the ER because I had an excruciating headache that would not go away all week. They gave me meds that is supposed to put me asleep alot and I didn’t get out of there til 4 am. I came home and slept til 12 pm. I was thinking…..now that I’m going to be sleeping alot maybe I’ll stop eating as much cause I gained 8 lbs last week and I am so mad at myself. I am waiting til week after this to start my detox as soon as I start feeling better. My goal this month is 15 lbs. I know  I can do it since last month I managed to gain instead of losing it. Ugh all I want to do is sleep but I have to be up and alert for my son because I hate to be sleeping while he does whatever he wants around the house and gets bored. Anyway my bestie comes over today and I love it because she always makes me feel alot better. Also, my sister is having a pool party on the 29th and I need to lose some weight by then. So what do you think? I gained 8 lbs plus the extra I want to do for this month….do you think 20 lbs would be too much for one month? The thing is though that I need to get motivated which I already should be with these extra 8 lbs but maybe it’s because I have been felling sick. My mind is all over the place so I guess thats it for now…….I need to get rid of this crappiness I feel before I can finally start to get motivated. Ok well friends and supporters, keep up the good work and thank you for being here for me. Wishing you love, peace and happiness (most of all good health).

So this weekend was when I went out for my birthday and I put on a tight shirt and what do my eyes see?……..some curves in the process of forming me into an hour glass figure! I was so happy and got so much attention when I went out that night and I felt good. So earlier I was in church thinking about it (sorry God) and I realized that the thing that used to motivate me the most before was buying exciting workout videos. So now that I have the (slight) curves and a fun workout video to hunt for and I am  finally inspired again……..then seeing the support once again on my last blog inspired me even further. I am so happy to finally feel the want and need and most of all the passion and motivation to keep on losing more weight and to not give up just yet. So my friends, with that said I am happy to announce that I will be staying on buddy slim and I will continue my path of living a healthy lifestyle. Thank you friends and supporters…..you guys help keep me going. Have a great evening…..health, happiness and love (especially for yourselves).

Well I don’t know what happened with my support group but I guess since no one is around to comment I might as well just try to stay on track by myself and just delete my account here. I don’t want it (weight loss)with a passion anymore like I used to but what else can I do? This however does not mean that I am giving up at all….if anything now is the time to push harder and be even more stronger. Thank you to friends that were here for me, good luck with weight loss and I wish you happiness, health and love.

So this week I’m going to really committ and see how much I can lose cuz Saturday I celebrate my birthday and I’m going out dancing. I am soo happy and so excited! So I am anxious to start my week and to start shedding pounds again! Finally inspired again! Hope you guys had a great weekend! Peace and Love

Well 2 months later and I only managed to lose just 10lbs and I am so dissappointed because I wanted to be thinner for ym birthday (next weekend). Regardless I am still going to go out and have the time of my life next Saturday. Guys it has been so hard to be inspired and motivated without you but I tried my best to keep going. Seriously I KNOW I could have donr ALOT better…..but didn’t. Now I need your support once again so I can finally want it and hunger for it so much that I will continue to succeed and not fall off the wagon. Thank you to all my friends that stick by me nd help motivate me. You guys don’t know how much I missed you. Thank god I am back for good now. Yay! Have a great day and weekend.

So this last week I slacked off bacause I was running everywhere like crazy getting everything ready for my daughters birthday party…I ended up working out just 2 days last week. @ days out of 5 I usually do so to compensate I am going to try it every day of the week if I have the energy cause it seems I might be coming up with a cold. Either way I’m gonna give it my best and refuse to gie up….so I gained 5 lbs again this that I had lost the week before and because of that I am gonna hit it harder and  really REALLY concentrate on eating healthy as well . That was originally my plan but I was eating anything I could when I was running around last week not having enough time to make my own food but like I said this is a new week and back on the wagon I go. I WILL not give up….I need to get past those 5lbs that I keep yo-yoing though. Hope you guys had a great weekend and keep in touch and faithful lol. Oh PS even though the lbs are going up and down I’m starting to see curves that have been hiding for years….lol all thanks to the Jillian Michaels 30 day shred. Ok guys take care and thank you lots for the love and support!

So since Tuesday I have been feeling blah and so not in the mood to workout but on Tuesday I pushed myself to workout and afterwards I was so proud of myself for not giving in. Then yesterday my son  started hogging the dvd player and he ended up falling asleep at 11 and by that time I was so tired. It’s weird though how now if I don’t work out for a day I feel so fat and ugly the next day….in a way it’s good but I don’t want to be those people that become addicted to working out. So today I made candy bags for my daughters bday party on Saturday and I got so tempted I had a candy and a few cookies and now I HAVE TO workout tonight for sure but I am so not in the mood to. I don’t know whats wrong with me lately but the only thing that even gets me through the workout at times is drinking my green tea a little while before. I don’t want to give up now so I need some motivation guys…..please. I’m losing my want  and hunger for my new healthy life and to be fit because of my lack of energy. Thank you guys for the love and support!